Essi Beauregard Valo, Crab Queen (1897-Present)

Born on July 24, 1897 to Edwin and Amy Earhart, Essi Beauregard Valo was previously known as Amelia Mary Earhart, the famous aviation pioneer who disappeared in the Pacific Ocean in 1937. Much of Valo's early life as Earhart is already well known and has been the subject of dozens of books. In 1937, she and Fred Noonan (a.k.a. Paul Archibald Crabness) crashed on Nikumaroro Island in what is now the Republic of Kiribati after running low on fuel and completely missing Howland Island, their original destination. Her disappearance also led to dozens of search attempts spanning nearly a century and an untold number of conspiracy theories, one of which is partially true.

Contrary to popular belief, Valo was not consumed by coconut crabs on the island, though not for a lack of trying on their part. Rather, Valo and Noonan built a corral and spent twenty years selectively breeding and training the crabs. By 1957, they became known in local legend as the Empress and Emperor of Crabs, in part for their ability to defend themselves against the elements using blankets of crabs and for the enormous throne they built out of crab carapaces. These legends eventually came to the attention of the U.S. Navy, which sent a search party to the island; there they discovered Valo and Noonan and attempted to bring them back to the U.S., but neither could remember their original names and neither wished to return without the crabs. The discovery was filed with the U.S. Navy and promptly lost during a filing accident; this prevented the public from knowing what happened to Valo (a.k.a. Earhart) until her reappearance in 1997.

During the 1997 World Series between the Cleveland Indians and the Florida Marlins (now the Miami Marlins), Valo crash landed in Jacobs Field in a makeshift prop plane made of crab carapaces, coconut trees, and the skeletal remains of Noonan. The engine was fueled by several large tanks of coconut alcohol. The incident was captured on live television and caused the World Series to be postponed. Valo, now a spry 100-year-old woman, was promptly taken into custody while the remains of her plane were removed from the field. Later that evening, NBC reported the news that Amelia Earhart, now Essi Beauregard Valo, had survived. For six months, news stations sought interviews with the Valo, published countless stories, and even marketed an autobiography ghostwritten by Newt Gingrich's extremely socialist son, Paul “Sweethands” Martin Gingrich. In 2002, Simon & Schuster released The Earhart Diet, a cookbook purporting to provide everyday Americans the secret to an extended life based on rumors about Valo's diet while on Nikumaroro Island; the book caused a global shortage of crab meat.

Following her return and subsequent popularity, Valo retired to Florida. There, she purchased six miles of oceanfront property and began the laborious process of training sand crabs. Locals refer to her as the Crab Queen, a title earned by her tendency to arrive in town on a carpet of crabs. In 2016, the city of Flagler banned crabs from its streets after three children were lost in one of Valo's crab carpets. In 2021, Valo extended her training to seagulls, though it is too early to determine if it will be successful.